We’ve got a bunch and the ones that annoy the weans, like calling Jalapeños Jalpaneros in public, are our favourites.
Super weird one. Produce bags from the grocery store are called “gnome bags.”
Years ago, we found out that Walmart does not mind if you just take a whole roll of those bags. We use them instead of zip locks, sandwich baggies, Saran wrap, and dog poo bags. They became “gnome” bags because we had an old toilet paper roll holder in the shape of a gnome that we hung up to hold the roll of bags, and we all just started calling them gnome bags until it got to the point where we’ll occasionally say it in public accidently. Lol.
This is exactly the kind of shit I wanted to hear l. Love it lmao!
Oh, remembered another, too. To irritate people me and my brother both, whenever we hear someone arguing how to pronounce “gif,” we insist it should be pronounced Zsif. Like zsa zsa Gabor’s first name. If you’re familiar with Linux, there’s a thing about whether the DE gnome should be pronounced guh-nome or nome. I’ll pronounce it with a glottal stop at the beginning instead, and it drives people insane. (If you’re unfamiliar with glottal stop, think of the way some northern England accents pronounce the t in water. “wa?er”)
I was reading The Lord Of The Rings as an awkward 17 year old whilst on holiday with the family. We went for a walk together and I found a big stick and took it back to the lodge. I claimed it was…my staff.
So now whenever anyone in the family finds a (even remotely) large stick, I get a family group chat full of nothing but abuse and Micky taking.
Yay.
It’s a hard life, being a massive nerd.
p.s. I hope your most recent holiday got better!
Tortilla wraps are bread ham as they look like processed ham slices but made of bread…so much so our youngest daughter calls meat ham “pink bread ham”
Reminds me of the Futurama joke.
“Lions? You have sea lions on the land?”
“Yep. We call them ‘land sea lions’.”
Brilliant! Weans crack me the hell up.
Brilliant! Weans crack me the hell up.
I like to pronounce Jog with a soft J sound, like yog, which I think came from Anchorman. This has now evolved into things like yoghurt having a hard J at the beginning.
It’s hard to describe how much pleasure I get from shouting “Yog down there and grab us a pack of Joghurts” at the kids in the supermarket. The eye roll almost makes the whole supermarket experience worth it.
This might just be my favourite!
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But…as a Scottish person that’s how we pronounce salad and chocolate!
My wife (from the highlands) is constantly ripping my central belt accent. Like all the fucken time. She finds it awfully hilarious for a Teuchter. Not got a leg to stand on that lot! Her favourites are how I pronounce milk (mulk - I used to get a cuff round the ear from my maw for that, so I kept using it out of spite) and beard (baird apparently it sounds like).
Fellow Scot here. Off tae the pictures to see a fillum the day.
This is hilarious. Movies are called ‘fillum’ in India as well. It’s practically a word in Hindi.
Gujarati too. All my rellies who grew up in India say fillum. After dating an Irishman for more years than I care to remember, it’s funny how much Indians and Irish have in common (we keep the plastic on everything too).
Interestingly, in southern India (below Maharashtra & MP) they’re called ‘fillim’ .
“the plastic on everything” is too real. Do they also store away plastic bags in one plastic bag and stuff that bag behind some door?
Yeah, we have a bag of bags lol In fact I have some old bags under my mattress! I don’t really use them anymore since I moved to reusables.
One thing I don’t think the Irish do is keep a suitcase of fabric under the bed/on top of a wardrobe.
There was a good sketch about it on Goodness Gracious Me, the “Bharrat Homes” one. Too true!
Just drapped the weans aff to see that Barbie filum!
I’ve always loved how we call it the pictures!
We used to call it the pictures when I was growing up in County Durham too. I still do sometimes but with an aggressively exaggerated accent so it becomes more like “pick-chaz”.
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We have a weird thing where each night whichever of us is first to head up to bed wishes the other one “good luck with the lamps”. As in, you know, turning the lights off for the night.
I have no idea why it started but it’s been going for years at this point, we got so competitive for a while that when it was time for bed we’d literally wrestle to be first out of the room and get to say it.
I designed a custom “good luck with the lamps” mug for a Christmas present, he donated to GDQ one time to get them to wish me it on live stream. It’s a whole thing 😅
And of course, we do it wherever we are, including at friends houses. They are mostly nonplussed by the whole spectacle.
My dad used to do this thing where he would pronounce any word ending in ‘es’ to ‘EZ’ so an innocuous work like ‘plates’ became ‘plat-EZ’. He extended this over time to any word with a plural so ‘roads’ for example became ‘road-EZ’. According to family lore, this started at a terrible Italian restaurant before I was born.
At increasing levels of my age I saw this as:
- baby - 5: This is clearly normal adult behaviour
- 5 - 8: My dad is a comedy genius
- 9 - 12: Alright, stop it now
- 12+: Genuinely considering patricide.
GERMALOIDS sang like Stakker Humanoid’s HUMANOID
Our freezer is called the ice lolly cupboard after my youngest called it that when he was about 2.5. I often forget the names of things so now the windowsill is the window shelf when I couldn’t remember its real name once.
Thanks to my sister in law, I’ve spent years referring to tomato ketchup as dip dip.
We call clutter/hoarding Trebus, or treebs, after Mr Trebus from Life of Grime. It’s passed down to my sisters’ kids as well, so his name will forever live on in our family.
Brilliant!
Whenever anyone in our family say “too long”, my wife will (ok, or sometimes I will) go into a full “Allo Allo” French accent, saying “Ahhhh, Toulon??? Eet eez Toulon, mon ami!”, etc.
Even though the joke has lived well past its shelf life, we can’t resist doing it even though we cringe at the same time.
I suppose you could say that the joke has gone on…
…long enough.
