It’s painfully obvious that the Lemmy population is primarily men.
Frustrating.
edit: to save my sanity, I choose believe that the majority of comments here are trolling. Y’all cannot genuinely be this dense.
I wanted to talk with other women about this to get more clarity and it turns into…this. Damn.
Looking for signs and not seeing them and then being told we missed signs that were indistinguishable from being polite is just part of being a man. So is being told off because you read signs that previous women said were their signs, but weren’t for someone else.
The best skill a man can have is being able to ask if there is a slight chance while being ready to casually accept rejection, because hints are so inconsistent from person to person and men are expected to initiate.
Looking for signs and not seeing them and then being told we missed signs that were indistinguishable from being polite is just part of
being a man.dating women.It’s like that as a lesbian too lol
Also gay and bi people!
I was just working with the context of the post and social expectations of heterosexual dating.
Those complicated women!
I’ve not really recovered from my last rejection and that was not even romantic but merely friendship driven.
I’m not complaining, I’m just confused.
That’s why you ask!
It’s 2024 you can tell a man you like them.
Why can’t you ask yourself?
It would be hella creepy and weird for a man to have to ask every women if they have feelings, a women can put themselves out there as well!
Holy shit
The dude wants to know if a woman likes him! If he wants to know, HE SHOULD ASK!
The woman may not even realize that he has any romantic interest!
I get your broader point here but you understand there are places/situations where this is inappropriate as a guy right? I generally try my best to leave women the fuck alone. I’ve befriended plenty of women in customer service/hospo so I’ve heard many a “guy mistakes my friendly (I.e professional) demeanour to be more than it is” and I have 0 interest in being that guy.
My current partner had to ask me out when we first started dating because while we were always friendly at work, it was just that. Friendly. What if I asked her out and she wasn’t interested? Now I’ve torpedoed a work relationship, a friendship and created a potentially uncomfortable work environment. If she had asked and I wasn’t interested? At least she’s not a tall, bearded dude who hopefully can handle rejection fine.
That’s a fair point.
This also implies that a woman’s experience is that men often carry the risk of danger if rejected.
That’s… concerning.
Unfortunately it is the truth and I think it’s better for men to try and keep that in mind. You don’t know what the women in your workplace have been through or what sorta blokes they’ve had to deal with. So best to try and conduct yourself in a manner considerate of that fact. I don’t pretend to know heaps about it but I am lucky enough to have had some brave people share their experiences with me and yeah, pretty grim to say the least.
I mean, the sad part is that there’s really no other place guys and gals mix besides work or school. Once you graduate it’s just work that remains. I don’t even mean romantically either. I think it’s hand in hand with the loneliness epidemic everyone keeps talking about. Where do you meet new people? Women can be so rare in some men’s lives that to just say “ask if they like you” almost implies that they should ask every woman which both sides know is not what should be happening.
Ideally you would be mixing with strangers at a pub or something where if you put your foot in your mouth and somebody says no to friendship/partnership you both go your separate ways and no harm no foul, you probably won’t even run into each other for days/weeks, but now everything is just shitty.
Clubs are too loud to talk at, so while you might be adjacent to a bunch of new people you won’t be with any new people.
Bars work somewhat decent, people are friendly, the counter is where strangers mix. It does require you to imbibe a steady stream of booze though. You’ll also have to jump around until you find one that you like. Same thing with smoking areas, smokers are crazy friendly, asking for a light is a great ice breaker. I actually used to carry a lighter just for this reason, and I never even smoked. Still a terrible habit to adopt to get friends though.
Any speed-friending or dating events/sites are just crawling with cringey people (I once went to one and had someone try to sell me a timeshare)
Everything has gone up in price, which sucks because now you go to an event and have a pressure to make it worth the money which just adds to the shittiness of the night.
The most reliable place people hang with strangers is the internet, but even then it’s not a conversation. It’s letters and pen pals.
Way too many people just have work left to meet people and that’s not exactly a great place to pursue a relationship because careers cause way to many tripwires. A foot in the mouth brings in HR. Someone gets promoted and now there’s a power dynamic. Yes it’s inherently riskier to pursue people there. I think guys complain about it more just because they’re more isolated and deal with it more.
I spent a lot of time when I graduated trying to find somewhere where I could find people and I finally landed on the convention scene and even met my wife there, but it took almost 5 years of leaving my house, trial and error, lots of events, and some truly boring expensive nights.
You do you realize that this is exactly the same issue for the man, right? Literally: The man may not even realize that she has any romantic interest.
The secondary problem is that if the man thinks the answer might be yes, and chooses to act on that, he is far more likely to be treated as a harasser if he’s wrong.
Then she should speak up and vice versa.
It’s not that deep.
Well, yes it should be this simple, in an ideal social world where everyone is a good actor with no ulteriror motives.
In reality, social interaction is not this simple, and generally the man is expected to initiate. Social behavior hasn’t actually caught up to modern ideas about gender equality, and few women are willing to actually take the risk of rejection and instead assume that the man will take that burden by default.
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If the woman may not know, she can ask.
In this case from the context it’s pretty clear they were likely sending signals.
Are you reading anything beyond what you want to read?
to me it’s just clear that the guy in the screenshot plain ignored the answer lol
My guy.
He’s literally the person complaining about it. So my advice was to ask.
“But it shouldn’t be always on the men to—!”
YEAH OKAY SURE but in this situation, if you really wanna know, just ask!
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It works. The problem is that this doesn’t work with women/humans that play games.
And at that point you should ask yourself is that a person you want in your life.
If I ask someone and get rejected in a rude way I’m hurt, of course, but at the same time I’m happy because I dodged a cunt.
And if you ask and get a positive response the whole thing starts on a great note.
So depending on your perspective it is a win-win situation.