To me I see this as a classic struggle many men have in a patriarchal society. Op is constantly wanting to be “manly” through having sex, taking a “manly” job that doesn’t fit with their true self, and feels in order to be a full human they need to be extraverted and with that usually comes a domination mindset.

A great podcast for the lads here who are struggling with that is the “Man Enough” podcast. I felt so seen by it and moments where I was in tears.

Men find themselves in an awkward position of being both the victim and perpetrator of a patriarchal society.