We’re like to extend our most sincere apologies for today’s downtime, explain the issue, and talk about what we’ll be doing going forward.
Late last night or early this morning, an owl entered the server room and, unsurprisingly, pissed on everything. We had to drag them out of a corner where they’d started building a nest out of CAT5 cables. After checking with all our keyholders, we determined that they had not tricked someone into lending them the keys this time, and nobody had left a window open. We have not found their entry point yet, but we suspect we are getting closer (we’ve found a large pile of shit near one of the vents).
We managed to dry one server off and get the website running again, but unfortunately we only have 1 hair dryer and will need a few more days to dry the rest of the servers and get the site fully operational.
Going forward, our plan is:
- Cover outside AC vents and similar in chicken wire
- assess and reinforce weak points in the building’s structure
- tape old CDs to the building to reflect the sun and scare them away
- attack roosting spikes to the server racks
- stop keeping open, uncovered cans of beans at our desks
We are also looking into hiring a falconer as a more active deterrent.
Thank you for your patience in such a difficult time.
You definitely shouldn’t try to become a PI then.
Really would take a real perp-sweater to crack the Hexbear crew. Had a voting thread about gender identity and a thread about how many alt accounts you have on the same day. Smells like a Yugioh tournament in this damn site.
Wow, I can tell you’re real smart, putting two and two together like that. A thread about gender identity and a revival of the /r/CTH “everyone is my alt” meme. Only an incredibly logical mind could look at those and deduce that all the owls are one person.
Why are you even here? You made an account, disappeared for 2 weeks, and then came back to announce you were giving the site one last chance to keep you. Why would we want to keep you? Did you get the impression that the site with communities like ChapoTrapHouse and FakeNews is some kind of major centre of leftist organising?
Go touch some grass and stop making up owl conspiracies, you’re just being weird.
Do you know what the funniest thing is about people like you who camp out on websites and try to belong to them? You can’t restrain yourself from showing off the way you take everything other people say the worst way in order to feel better about yourself. As long as they can’t prove to you that they were joking, you get to feel smarter. Every joke you miss, every message you misinterpret makes you smarter. You get smarter by missing the point of everything, proving whatever you came across was stupid. So that’s how you got to 2024 incapable of doing anything other than throwing temper tantrums about how shit things are where you live. And I’m going to Vietnam. You’re jealous aren’t you? Aren’t you jealous you chose to try to stay and fix the imperial core? I’m leaving in July. I’ve got a career.
@Voight? This is incredible, either you’re @Voight or I attract a really specific brand of weirdo that makes wild deductions from extremely broad statements, has an obsession with being more intelligent than other people, splits their near instant replies into 3-5 posts, and is totally going to move to Veitnam any day now.
Edit: Oh, and the obsession with some sort of elite class of website regulars who are conspiring against you.
Go on, you know you want to hit it with a
Cmon my little Discord kittens, it’s longer than two sentences. You’re not actually going to read it are you? That would take too long. It’s time for
Nice Discord emote that was customized into a programmer hobbyist version of reddit. Really telegraphs how much more in touch with nature and society you are than I am. Gonna reconsider my life.
i wish i could be in tune with nature, i just got home from a 12 hour shift and logged on to laugh at some commie shitposts and i see you having an absolutely normal one in here. go do something with your life dude