An incredible band that I love is releasing a new album. And I’m just sitting here thinking I might never get to see a live show again. My health fell apart a few years ago and there’s so much I just can’t participate in now and it’s so alienating and sad. I remember being drunk and dancing in crowds seemingly not that long ago, now I have to spend close to 80% of my time in bed just to have enough energy to do the basics like cook and shower and eat. It sucks. I miss being in rooms full of strangers and screaming and just living life in public at all, being around other humans. I don’t have anyone to help me do things, and every cool thing that happens in the world now is bittersweet because I can’t directly enjoy it. I’m like only able to have small bites of life and I am really really really really really really really sad about it. I might never get to see any band live again at all, and if I ever do through some incredible stroke of luck I still won’t be able to jump around or stand up or drink like I would want to. My enthusiasm is trapped in my body seemingly forever now. It’s just shit. Other things about life are good, great even, but this specific way of being in the world and being around like minded people feels like it’s gone forever.
That’s really rough. To find something you love and then being denied it is worse that never having found it all. Not sure what you are looking for by posting online but if I may offer advice it’s this. When I went to see live music it was just as much about seeing familiar friends in the crowd. We were all part of the.music scene. Some of us were in bands, some deejayed on college radio, some put out fanzines or promoted shows. Looking back it’s the folks around me I remember the most, the bands were the soundtrack in the background. Appreciate the support group you have around you. Family, friends, even the people who’s job it is to be there for you.
Not sure what I was looking for either but this is good advice. Thank you <3