Hey there. I am incredibly sad, downright depressed and mentally exhausted.

I wanted to celebrate my birthday yesterday for the first time (maybe ever?) with lots of nice people. I invited about 30-50 people. Some, I invited personally, some just casually through groups. Lots of those people I thought of as somehow close and friendly.

I exhausted myself in the effort of preparing the party, I rented a room, I prepared photos, activities, food, music, and just put a lot of mental energy into the planning. I have been planning it for about 2 months, invited those who were most important to me back then even.

5 people showed up.

I am devastated. I was always so anxious about my birthday and never celebrated it. I think I removed myself from groups a lot in my life. And only the last two years, I’ve started to understand my diagnosis and how to communicate with people. This throws all my anxiety and pain back into my body and brain.

I don’t know how to deal with it. Especially I don’t know how to interact with the people that were important to me and who didn’t show (or those who didn’t even cancel). My past behaviour was burning down all the bridges. I don’t think I should do that. But I also don’t know how to pretend like it doesn’t hurt…

Any advice about rejection anxiety and … well, real rejection?

Thank you.

  • jpreston2005@lemmy.worldEnglish
    3·
    2 hours ago

    I feel your pain, man. I once spent months planning a costume Halloween party. Spent over a grand in decorations alone, just spooky-ing up the house like crazy. Got special desserts made, sent out invitations through email and instagram, a freaking flyer with the info, did an online poll to make sure I was doing it on the right weekend so the most people could attend, texted my best friend at the time like, everyday for weeks making sure he at least came.

    Come the night of, almost every single person had cancelled, and my (former) best friend just didn’t want to make the 35 minute commute, so he didn’t even come.

    Sent out another instagram message to everyone with my original party flyer but with a big “Cancelled” written across it. Ended up slowly eating all the snacks party treats over the course of a week or so. Cleaned up the decorations, and realized that now that I’m divorced, people see me different, with less respect. It’s been a difficult transition, and I’m thinking about just packing up and moving to a whole new area, to make new friends, because that shit SUCKED.

    I know that the majority of them had good excuses, but the few that didn’t… man. Yeah it really hurt, and now 2 years later I rarely if ever make time for those “friends.” I’ve just spent more time on myself, growing and becoming more comfortable in my solitude. I’m at a place where, despite a lot of present difficulties, I like myself. I’m proud of who I am, and am slowly putting myself out there more (while also planning on getting the hell out of dodge lol)