So I got homework from my therapist for the week, she really wants me to connect with other queer people on a wider level, like going to pride or something like that. She also told me I should ask here, she thinks Hexbear is really cool. As someone who was raised as a christian in a heavy red state, I’ve never been socialized with other queer people. I have no idea where to go to meet more queer people. I feel like this is my entry stage into organizing. What do y’all do?
Check your local orgs by searching [city name] lgbt organisation and see what pops up. There are usually dedicated locations in bigger cities. I’ve also seen womens centers have an lgbt section. How does this sound for you?
I think that’s a good idea. I’m going to do it right now. I live in a deep red state, but live in a city where I have refuge from all the recent bullshit. I’ve been denied from a lot of women’s centers around here and that’s made me really dysphoric, but I think it’s worth giving more effort again.
Yeah womens centers are really hit or miss. Lesbian/gay bars are also an option if you are comfortable with it, but it is a bit difficult to make connections on the spot there. Also, sometimes orgs post more on Instagram or Facebook, so you might want to check those too.
Sucks to say it but a lot of women’s spaces are actually just for people who were AFAB and are sufficiently femme presenting.
If I were in your shoes I’d avoid those spaces unless they are explicitly in support of trans people (e.g. displaying the trans flag on their site, having trans speakers or specific trans events, an organiser tells you that they are etc.)
I really hate that the queer community still hasn’t sorted itself out with regards to cishet normativity.
Lots of younger queer groups have a discord. You can get to know people before meeting them in person. Also helps filters out groups filled with gay but shitty people.
Pop in and see if you vibe. Low risk, and they’ll probably have information on meetups.
If your town/city has a university, the university will likely have an associated queer club. I know that helped me a lot when I was a student.
That’s a good idea, especially when I plan on going back to school here soon
To add to the other advice here I’d also try events that either skew queer or that are specifically for queer people.
There is probably a social group or activity group near you that meets up regularly which is for queer people, it’s just a matter of finding it.
If you can’t find one the the next thing would be to look for events that attract queer people. Conventions tend to (not necessarily fandom cons either - I’ve never been to a tattoo convention or event but I would expect to find more openly queer people there than at a farmer’s market [although you never know…]) You could also try roller derby or theatre groups and things like that which tend to attract a queer crowd. It’s not guaranteed that you’ll find a ton of queer people in these spaces but often when the community is smaller or underground then you usually only need one or two social connections to a queer person to have your foot in the door so you get invited along to informal meetups with other queer people in your region, so just be on the lookout for another queer person that you can strike up a conversation with to ask them where all the queers are hiding.
To expand on this a little, you could also try getting a bit more involved in a music scene that is either open to queer people (punk, lots of metal) or artists/bands that are queer because the community tends to turn out for them.
I’d also recommend flying the flag(s), stealthily if you need to keep yourself safe. But that T-shirt with the subtle rainbow on it or a bracelet/necklace with the right colour beads are going to signaling to the right people what’s up. Also remember to be open to people who seem to approach you out of the blue to strike up a conversation with you because there’s a chance they are also queer and they’ve clocked you as queer so they’re trying to forge a connection. (My oblivious arse would immediately jump to “Who are you and why are you subjecting me to small talk??” in this situation lol.) There are also some cool stealth pride images you can get as bumper stickers or keychains and stuff. You could slap one of these on a laptop and leave it visible while you hang out in a cafe or similar public place and see if anyone strikes up a conversation with you, e.g.:
Clubs, pride or more so the pride committee or fundraisers. Grindr is for mostly hookups. Queer friendly / owned buisnesses. Look for the 🌈 flag. Owners management are usually connected to the more social side and might be able to suggest or point you to local events places. Coffee shops.
Clubs / buisnesses usually would have either a bullitien board with queer friendly meet ups, orgs, other queer friendly buisnesses, events. Be on the look out for pro queer news publications. They usually have tons of resources in the pages.
If you are in deep red land, try the next larger city. They might have local people and connections.
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